Yup still here. Still pregnant. It appears we have a stubborn baby. Luckily I am
keeping occupied with all these delightful questions below. (No this is not passive aggressively aimed at you specifically. You probably only asked me once. You were probably very well meaning and I actually do appreciate you thinking about me. But also I am heavily pregnant and miserable so I'm allowed to have a whinge).
"Are you still here?" It seems so.
"Have you had that baby yet?" What do you think. Do you really expect I have forgotten to tell you. When he is here I will be flooding social media with pictures of him even though he will look like a potato. Trust me, you'll know. You'll unfollow me. Look forward to that.
"Is there any news?" Well why don't you check BBC news. I think the US have some stuff going on. And there was that whole Toblerone fiasco. Oh you meant from me? No. there's not.
"Any twinges? Any signs?" Well one big sign which is that I am nearly 10 months pregnant. But apparently that doesn't mean labour is imminent. until his head is actually coming out of my vagina I'm not going to take any "twinges" as a sign.
"Not long left now/any day now". Well actually it could still be 2 weeks so no. Shhh.
"Baby will come when baby is ready". No! He will come NOW! When he is told to!
"Try spicy foods, pineapple, long walks and sex". I know. I know. Please stop. I know. They dont work. I burnt my mouth. NOTHING WORKS.
"Oh my (insert distant relative) swears by (eating rocks/dancing naked in the garden/some other ridiculous thing). It worked for all of hers". There is literally no science behind what you are telling me. But now I have to try it just to know. And it wont work and I will feel like a fool. And still be pregnant. And my mouth will taste of rocks*
"Baby knows best". He is literally not born yet, he isn't even 0. What does he know? Does he really know more than his mum who has folded all his clothes 25 times and cleaned every surface in the house and it is extremely sure that it is time for him to vacate her uterus. Little shit is already a know it all.
"Sleep now while you can". No, it doesn't work like that. I can't store it up and hibernate like a bear in the winter so that when he comes I can go a full 2 months with no sleep because of all that lovely pregnancy sleep I had. Also have you tried sleeping when 10 months pregnant? I get up to pee more in one night now than in my entire first trimester.
Yes it's good that he is still comfy and growing nicely. Its nice to have time to prepare and batch cook and pamper myself and all that crap.
I know that it is an estimated due date for a reason, and most first time mums go 8 days over their due date. And i should enjoy him now while i have him to myself. But also WHY IS HE STILL IN THERE. For every day that goes by his head is getting a little bigger and I am becoming more fearful for its imminent (I hope) eviction.
*i did not eat rocks. But if your aunt really did do this then let me know because I will most certainly try anything. Seriously, help me get him out before he hits 9lbs.